Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
