I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
