you're like a bully in the Christmas story
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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