So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
