So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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