can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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