how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
