She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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