Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
