Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
