And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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