His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
