Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
