hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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