Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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