I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I would fuck him just for his dog
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
