Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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