dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
They have beer where we have blood.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
