Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
