He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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