My friends, they love my intelligence
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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