Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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