Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Randomize
