It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
