dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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