Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
