I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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