i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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