I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
