I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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