I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
