He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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