No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
