So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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