4 words: hood of his car
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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