I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
There was a lot of him and a little penis
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
