Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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