I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
