But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
