dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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