Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
