she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
