In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
