I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
