omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
