hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
