Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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