You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
