No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
