...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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